just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
