If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
