i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
