i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
