I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
MIDGETS
????
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
