Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
