Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
