and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
