Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
