he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
