Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
