when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
