hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
