I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
