i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
