he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
