Fine. I'll sleep in my office
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
