Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
