you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
