i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
His nipple licking is glorious
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