so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
