I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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