I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
