Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
