She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
