a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
