After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
