my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
