I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
