Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm too high and old for this...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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