So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
