I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
