Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I AM VODKA MAN
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Panties = found
Randomize
