so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize