gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
