Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
