She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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