I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
