Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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