just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
