I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm like, not good at living.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
