why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
