On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize