How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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