I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
