maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
