Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
