Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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