I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So many bounce houses so little time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
