So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize