This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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