my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
