This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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