I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
