I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
