They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
