If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
