shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
