So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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