**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
