listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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