Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry about my life...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
