he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
