How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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