i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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