my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need to align my fucking chakras
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