we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
