The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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