what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
