dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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