'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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