If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
