he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
MIDGETS
????
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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