The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
