I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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